Accounting Jokes
1. Where do homeless accountants live? In tax shelters!
2. How do you know you have a good CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
3. What sort of sense of humor do accountants have? Self-depreciating.
4. What does the pessimistic accountant think? It’s accrual world.
5. Why are most accountants so good-looking? They have great figures.
6. How do accountants manage their money? They act their wage.
7. What do accountants’ spouses say to fall asleep when they have insomnia? “Sweetie, tell me about your job.”
8. What do you call someone without enough personality to be an accountant? An economist.
9. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
10. Why are accounting departments the most welcoming? Because they know everyone counts.
11. How was copper wire invented? Two accountants were arguing over a penny.
12. What do accountants call their children? Deduction 214.
13. What’s an accountant’s favorite cereal brand? Post.
14. What does “CPA” stand for? “Can’t pass again.”
15. When do accountants fall over? When they lose their balance.
16. What does the cannibal CPA charge? An arm and a leg.
17. What does an accountant say when getting on a train? “Mind the GAAP.”
18. How does Santa Claus’ accountant value his sleigh? “Net present value.”
19. There are three types of accountants: Those who can count and those who can’t.
20. Why was the accountant excited to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 59 weeks? Because the box said eight to 12 years.
21. Why are accountants always tired after work? Because their job is so taxing.
22. What is an actuary? An accountant without a sense of humor.
23. How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb? As many as it took last year.
24. What do accountants in the Army live by? Be audit you can be.
25. Why are accountants always so stoic? They have good internal controls.
26. How do you know if your child will be a CPA when they grow up? When you read them Cinderella and the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, they ask, “Is that ordinary income or capital gain?”
27. Accountants never see the glass as half-empty or half-full. They see the glass as twice as large as necessary!
28. Why did the CPAs divorce? They couldn’t reconcile their differences.
29. Why do accountants like dirty jokes? Because their sense of humor is accrued.
30. Why do accountants have great abs? Because they’re good at number crunching.
31. How do accountants pick their friends? They stick with assets and drop liabilities.
32. What do gymnasts and accountants have in common? They’re good at keeping their balance.
33. What do you call an accountant with strong opinions? An auditor.
34. What’s the difference between counting and accounting? Counting goes “one, two, three, four…” Accounting goes “ah-one, ah-two, ah-three, ah-four…”
35. Why are accountants aware of their mortality? They know their days are numbered.
36. Why do shady accountants make bad chefs? They try cooking the books.
37. Accountants aren’t opinionated, but they are always right.
